First Kill
by TheMaskedTimelord
Summary: I made a promise to protect my brothers at any cost. Tonight, I plan to keep that promise. Now, I'm forced to do something I never wanted to do, even though I know it was probably inevitable. -Leo
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, my mind is flooding with ideas. I have one story with like four chapters (I kind of lost interest but maybe I'll try to revive it) I have a SAINW idea I want to do (having a hard time getting it started) and I thought of a prequel to Life Just Got Weird about Leo's and Karai's time as captives and I have to finish/work on Life Just Got Weird (I'm just going to start calling it LJGW). I really want to get something done and this little two shot popped in my head. Tell me how you like it!**

 **Disclaimer: If I did own TMNT, a lot of bad stuff would happen and I would end up being targeted in a Purge…**

 **(Important Info:**

 **There aren't going to be any evil mutants in here because I have a hard time getting them right and, for another reason I can't say, because it will spoil something. Also, the Foot is going to be actual people instead of robots like in the 2012 series. There will also be more than three Purple Dragon members.)**

 **Leo's P.O.V**

Tonight is going to be frustrating. I can already tell. Yesterday, we fought off Shredder's goons again and my brothers were still kind of celebrating, which often leads to some of us (usually Raph) being a little rebellious. I have to admit, I'm still feeling very confident about us since that night; however, something has been eating me away. That whole fight was just too easy. They all seemed to be more easy. Are they planning something? Or am I just being paranoid?

I think Master Splinter got tired of us running around the house because he brought up going on patrol. We were all up for it; after all, it is hard to play tag and stuff inside the Lair. It wasn't long before we were halfway across New York City. I'm surprised no one has woken up and went to see what all the noise was about. We were not really in our ninja mode right now. We were more into our teenager mode, doing whatever we could for excitement and fun.

After a few minutes, I realize my mind has been wandering more and more to the Shredder. What if he was planning something? What if I'm really missing something here? I try to ignore it; but the more I ignore it, the more it comes back. This goes on for a couple hours until I decide to look at my phone. If we go home now, we would go home earlier than we usually do, but we have been out here for a while with nothing happening.

"Hey guys!" I call out.

My brothers stop running and yelling to turn around and look at me, smiles on their faces. I bite my lip and hope they don't see it. I don't want to sound too paranoid, but I really want to head back. I can always make it up to them later by having us stay out a little bit longer next time.

"I think we should head back. We have been out here for a while and nothing has really happened yet," I say, trying to sound casual.

"Come on, Fearless Leader," Raph yells back. "Relax for once and have some fun!"

My brothers have told me before I have always been "uptight" and stuff like that. It kind of came with the job of being leader and older brother, I guess. I want to do everything I can for my brothers, and time often slips through my fingers and I do forget to enjoy myself a bit. I think Raph's trying to help me out right now (or he just wants to enjoy himself more, I'm not sure) but this feeling is really driving me crazy and I wish he didn't.

"Yeah, dude! The night's still young!" Mikey yells, jumping over a pipe or something on the roof.

Donnie looks at his phone before looking at me. "How about we go talk to April for a bit and then we head home? We haven't seen her for a while."

I roll my eyes and smirk. That's probably why he wanted to come out here in the first place. "Fine, but just for a bit."

Mikey cheers and I hear him or Raph say something about "taking the long way there." I groan but decide not to push it. This is also their night, they deserve to have a bit of fun tonight.

I try to loosen up a bit and start doing flips and other tricks as we travel from roof to roof. After all, we have been out here for a while and nothing has happened yet. Maybe they are all at their hideout making a new plan. Maybe I am being paranoid. I mean, it might be a while until this opportunity comes up again, might as well try to enjoy it, right? I allow a smile to cross my face as I do another flip in the air and hear my brothers laugh up ahead. It's not long until I hear Mikey yelp and see Raph chase him down. That didn't take long.

I realize we actually _are_ taking the long way to April's house. If we wanted to be quick, we could be heading home by now. I guess I didn't realize it sooner because I'm not leading. I'm following my brothers. It's kind of weird not leading this time, but I don't mind. I shouldn't be the leader for everything, right?

We are probably just a couple blocks from April's when I hear it. Footsteps. Loud breathing. Weapons.

"Hold up, guys!" I yell.

"What's it now, Leo?" Raph yells back, sounding annoyed.

I don't answer. My serious look shuts him up along with my other brothers. I think they start hearing it too because I see some them slowly going for their weapons. I do the same, wanting to grab my swords but not scare the enemy and start something. I keep my eyes on the shadows near us, waiting to see some sort of movement. I start to wonder if they are ever going to attack when I see it. The moonlight reflecting off of something metal in the distance. Something that was coming straight for us.

"Look out!" I warn my brothers.

Mikey yelps and jumps away. Sure enough, an arrow sticks in the ground, right where he was standing a couple seconds ago.

As soon as the arrow pierces the ground, Foot ninjas jump to the roof we are standing on, coming from all directions. I unsheathe my swords just in time to block a sword that was aiming for my head. Putting all my strength in my arms, I push him back and give him a good kick in the gut. I try to look for my brothers but I can't even see any green through the dark, black fog.

I guess I had a reason to be paranoid.

I'm trying my best to fight off everyone I can with so little room. I end up getting one of my Katanas knocked out of my hand and kicked from me. I can only imagine how Donnie is doing with what little space he has with his six feet Bo staff. Soon the rooftops are covered with unconscious ninjas. I'm doing my best to give them some scratches or bruises so I only scare them off or knock them unconscious. We have always have been taught to value life, which can be very difficult when you are a ninja with swords.

After kicking another Foot ninja in the head, I turn around to look at our situation. I notice at least half of the ninjas are unconscious or made a break for it. I also see that my brothers look just as exhausted as I feel. I look at the remaining ninjas and start to think that if we make a run for it we can get away fast enough. I decide to risk it. Even if they do follow us, we can at least find a new battlefield that works in our favor or at least give us more room.

"Turtles, let's get out of here!" I call to my brothers, cutting another ninja's arm before running and jumping from the roof.

I can hear my brothers' footsteps behind me and I can't help but be thankful no one is complaining or giving me a hard time. I'm not even sure where I am leading my brothers, but I know it's better than here. I jump from roof to roof, go down fire escapes, zig zag through the streets, until I make a sharp turn into an alley and stop. My brothers are right behind me and we lean against the wall, catching our breaths. I don't hear the Foot, so I decide to look at my brother's injuries.

Mikey has a pretty nice sized cut on his right arm and bruises all along his face. He is breathing hard and I see he has a cut on his temple. Sweat is practically dripping off his body as he leans against the wall with his hands on his knees. I notice he only has nunchucks in his left hand with the nunchucks for his right hand in his belt. The cut on his arm must have limited his movements and he decided to put his nunchucks in his belt. Or I'm at least guessing. His mask is also slightly crooked and I'm surprised he hasn't fixed it yet. Usually our masks being out of place drives us crazy.

Donnie seems to be looking at his injuries. He has cuts and bruises like all of us, but I'm more concerned about his left leg. He doesn't seem to really be putting any pressure on it and every time he moves it, I see his face form into a grimace. I'm guessing he sprained it or pulled a muscle really bad. His Bo staff isn't out so I'm wondering if he had a hard time working with it so he gave up and put it out of harm's way. He also had a small cut just below his neck that causes my blood to freeze. If who ever caused it went deeper, who knows what could have happened to Donnie. Luckily, they didn't and the cut doesn't look serious.

Next is Raph. He seems to have a few more cuts than us, but none looked too serious. Although, the cut above his left eye looked like it hurt and was bleeding pretty bad. He was leaning his head against the wall and looking up, whether he was just looking at the sky or looking for ninjas, I don't know. I am glad he has both of his weapons, which is more than I can say for me. I should go back after this is over and see if I can find it. Raph's feet looked red and I wonder if it's because some of the ninjas stepped on them. That's the problem not wearing shoes. You wouldn't believe how many times our feet get stepped on during a fight. It's so common, we almost don't notice it.

Before looking at my own injuries, I look down the street. I still don't see or hear them which bothers me. They aren't the type to just give up when their targets run away; especially when they are winning. While looking, I try to focus on where some of the pain was radiating from my body. My right wrist hurt, maybe from when my Katana got knocked out of my hand, or it could be something else, I don't know. It's hard to tell when you are hurt in battle because you have all that adrenaline pumping through your blood. I think I'm in pretty good condition besides other cuts and bruises.

"Are they gone?" Donnie asks, breaking the silence.

"For now," I say.

"They just gave up?" Mikey asks, not believing it.

"Yeah, we ran away and they got scared and decided to let us win," Raph says, sarcastically; but I can tell he is just as confused as the rest of us.

"Guess we should have headed home early, huh?" Mikey says, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Yeah," I say, focusing my attention on the street. They had half of their team to keep fighting, why stop when they had the upper hand? I turn around when I hear someone crack their knuckles and laugh. At the end of the alley coming toward us, is a group of Purple Dragon members.

"Well, well, well," one of them says. "Looks like the Foot was right. All four of those turtles are here."

Oh, that's what happened to the Foot, they decided to get help. I wonder if that's what they have planned all along. Maybe they wanted to send a whole bunch of ninjas after us to slow us down then have someone else take us down. But why not just finish us themselves?

"Take 'em down, but don't kill them all. The Shredder said he will give us extra for bringin' 'em alive."

Oh course. Any greedy man that gets offered money will work ten times harder than they normally would.

"Well, this night just got a lot more fun," Raph says, pushing off the wall and pulling out his Sais. I can't tell if he's being sarcastic again or not. "Let's get this over with shall we?"

The Dragons let out a yell and come for us. I see Donnie pull out his Bo staff and Mikey swing his nunchaku before giving out his traditional battle cry **(I will let you guys decide if it's Booyakasha or Cowabunga)**.

My grip tightens on the hilt of my Katana and lunge forward, joining the battle. My sword connects to a metal baseball bat. I push away in time to dodge a metal chain that tries to make connection with my arm. I run up to the guy with the chain and kick him before doing a back flip. I dodge a strike from the guy with the baseball bat before hitting him in the head with the hilt of my Katana, knocking him out.

One with a long knife comes toward me but I flip over his head and knock his feet out from under him. As soon as I get up, another chain comes flying my way and wraps around my sword. Before I can react, they are pulled from my grip. I go for him until I am blocked by a guy with a metal pipe. He swings it for my head but I dodge and kick him in the chest. He isn't down for the count though. He sends a kick in my direction and I grab his foot. In response, he tries to hit me with his pipe. I dodge, which causes me to pull his foot with me and makes him start to lose his balance. I expertly twist his leg, causing his own body to flip and fall to the ground as I let go of his foot.

Movement catches my eye as I see Raph be kicked into a wall by a pretty big Purple Dragon. Raph slides down the wall and rubs his head. The Purple Dragon walks toward Raph, a large knife in his hand. It doesn't take a genius to know what's going to happen; but I can't get to them. They are at the other end of the alley; the Dragon can have Raph's head rolling in the street by the time I get there. I shutter at the thought. Time seems to slow as I look around for something to help me with. I used all my ninja stars in the fight with the Foot. There has to be something here that can help me.

In slow motion, I watch Mikey fight a Purple Dragon that is on top of him. Mikey can easily take him down, but he can't help Raph. He probably wasn't even aware Raph was in danger. Donnie is handling two Purple Dragons, swinging his Bo staff and about to knock one off his feet. Again, I don't think he was aware of Raph's situation either. My eyes swim around the alley, trying to find anything to save my brother. ANYTHING. Then I find it, lying in the middle of the alley, no one even close to it.

A gun.

I hate guns. I always have and my family knows it. Raph has taken us to the docks once to show us how to use guns. Raph doesn't mind them and almost acts like Donnie around them, wanting to know all he can about them. How they work, how many kinds, anything. Mikey doesn't really hate them but doesn't really want to use one. Donnie is the same way, but just would only try a couple times. I guess we all kind of picture guns equal to kill and death. I fired one once (with a lot of persuasion with Raph) and learned/watched how to use it, but that is the only time I ever lifted a gun.

I turn to see the man getting closer to Raph, lifting the knife higher and getting ready to strike. I look back at the gun. It was my only option. I asked for anything, and I got something. Besides, I cannot let my brother die. Time speeds up again and I roll to the gun, cocking it and lifting it up so it points at the man.

"Hey!" I call.

I don't know how the Purple Dragon knows I'm talking to him, but he turns around and looks at me. His eyes land on the gun and widen. He looks at me. His eyes are so wide they look like they will fall out. His eyes are so full of fear they look like a five-year-old who is afraid of storms in the middle of a hurricane. I don't give him time to speak.

I pull the trigger.

A loud bang fills the street.

The fighting goes quiet and I can almost feel them freeze at the sound.

 **(It may be a while for the second part since I am still working on LJGW and I don't really have any ideas for it, but I will do my best ;) tell me what you guys think! See ya around!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow, you guys liked this a lot more than I thought you would...cool! Not much to say except thank you for everyone who has favorited, followed, and reviewed! I love hearing from you guys. Also, sorry this took FOREVER! I'm still working on my other story and I'm getting a bit busy this month. Here you go and enjoy.**

 **THERE WILL BE MENTIONS OF QUITE A BIT OF BLOOD! JUST A WARNING!**

 **Disclaimer: Nope, nope.**

My eyes widen, even though I knew what was going to happen. Everyone has stopped moving and I realize I'm holding my breath, and I release it as I watch the man look down at his chest. A red circle started to grow more and more on his shirt, dripping the red substance down his clothes and body.

When he looks back up at me, his eyes are empty. I want to look away, but I can't. I stand there, breathing deeply, still not believing what I have just done. He starts to sway and stagger, but no one tries to help him. Instead, we watch him fall to the ground; I can still see him perfectly. He starts to cough and blobs of dark blood come out of his mouth. It makes me want to gag, but I still can't move. His body shakes and shivers, as if he was out in a blizzard; but, he is really in a street dying. He's dying, because I shot him in the chest. A pool of blood starts to form underneath him. No one tried to help him. No one went to his aid. No one.

I heard voices behind me and some movement, but I couldn't make them out. I couldn't really pay attention. All I could do was look into the man's now lifeless eyes and think about how I caused this. How I just removed a life. How I destroyed it with one simple pull of the trigger. _I did this. I killed him. I took a life. I just killed someone. I just killed. I just killed. I shot a gun and killed!_

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I felt like I jumped five feet in the air before turning around. My eyes meet Raph's, his hand still resting on my shoulder. He tries to give me a smile, but it doesn't go very far. His eyes show some sadness and fear. Fear for me, or fear OF me; I'm not sure if I really want to know.

"We need to head home, bro. The cops are coming," Raph says.

I look back at the body. Honestly, I don't want to leave. I want to go back in time and make this never happen. I want to go back and tell my brothers we need to go home before it's too late. But I have to leave. If I don't leave, my brothers and I will get caught and that life will be worth nothing. I can't let that happen.

I drop the gun, which lands with an echoing clank, and walk over to pick up my sword, not meeting any of my brothers' eyes. After sheathing it, I climb up the nearest fire escape. I hear my brothers behind me, but I don't really care. I want to get my other sword and go back to the sewers. Silence fills us the whole way there. I almost pass the roof if it isn't for the glint from the rising sun that caught my eyes. When I reach down to pick it up, I notice something.

Blood. A lot.

I feel my pulse race and I do my best not to show the panic on my face. I can feel my breathing increase as my fingers touch the hilt. Could I ever lift my swords at a person again? Is this what it will be like? Freaking every time I see blood? Will I keep seeing that man's empty eyes and the blood dripping down his chin.

"Leo?"

I turn around sharply to see my brothers. Mikey looks at me with concern. Donnie's eyes are looking at me, calculating my movements as if I was a dangerous animal that could do anything. Maybe I am… Raph is watching me closely, but not the way Donnie is. He seems almost curious at what I'm about to do. However, they all seemed to be a little shaken up by the kill. Do they think I'm a murderer?

I don't answer and simply turn back around to quickly pick up my sword, focusing on the hilt and not the blood on the end of my blade. I force my eyes to look at the fire escape as I jog to it and climb down. I want to hide from the invisible eyes that seem to stare at me. I take a deep breath when my feet touch the floor of the sewers. I don't know if I have ever been more grateful to be in the sewers. I wait to hear one of my brothers to be halfway down the ladder before jogging towards the Lair. All I want to do, is hide in my room and curl up in a ball. As pathetic as it sounds, it seems to be the only thing on my mind.

The rest of the way is silent. Even Mikey doesn't try to cheer us up. I guess I really scared my brothers. We never actually saw someone die except in movies, but we know that is all fake. Fake blood, fake injuries, fake people, and fake situations. This was not fake. That blood was very much real, that injury was really a bullet wound, that was a real person, and this was a real situation. What if that guy thought that being a Purple Dragon was the only way to get money to his family? What if he was just raised in a bad situation and was never shone the light? I guess he never will now anyway. And it's all thanks to me.

As soon as I get close to the Lab, I see Master Splinter by the door. Of course, he would probably realize something went wrong. My blood freezes in panic when I see him. He was my father and my teacher; he was the one who taught us the value of life. How will he react when he realizes I took a life? Will he hate me? Will he think I'm not fit to be a leader anymore?

"My sons, what has happened?" he asks. I don't answer, even though I see him looking at me and I can feel his eyes trying to read me.

I pick up the pace a bit and quickly reach my room. I quickly and quietly shut the door. As soon as I'm shut off from my family's curious eyes, I practically rip off my Katanas from my back and carelessly throw them across the room. There was blood on them. They could kill people, just like how I killed that person in the street with a gun. A gun, of all things. I throw myself on my bed and put my hands on my face. My tough expression crumples and my eyes fill with tears. However, as soon as I close my eyes, I see his face. His empty eyes, filled with fear just a few moments ago, and dark blood falling from his mouth. I quickly open my eyes and sit up in my bed. I don't want to see him, I don't ever want to see him again. I try to tell myself it was the right thing to do and that he would have killed my brother.

I put my hand over my mouth to soften the sob that escapes my throat. No, it wasn't the right thing to do. I could have shot his leg. I could have shot him in the head so he didn't have to suffer for those final minutes. I could have shot a warning shot. I could have done TONS of stuff instead of killing that man and letting him suffer quietly in the alley.

My eyes travel to some "Space Heroes" action figures I have on my wall under a poster. Captain Ryan never had to kill someone. He never had to pick up his least favorite weapon and do something he was totally against. I put my hands on my head and put my head between my legs. I'm glad no one came in my room because I probably look like a crazy person. I can faintly hear them talking in the other room. They are probably talking about how I took a life. How I lifted up a gun and watched as someone died!

I lie on my bed and look up at the ceiling, letting tears fall down my face. I want to bury my face in my hands, but I knew I would see that man's face or dead body as soon as I covered my face. I could hear some of my family members' doors close and I wonder how quickly they will be able to sleep. I wonder if they will have nightmares. If they do, it will be all my fault…

 _I lower the gun as I watch the man's body fall to the street. The blood already seems to be surrounding him, as if it was already there. The hollow eyes look at me, filled with fear, anger, and even some confusion._

" _Leo!"_

" _Leonardo!"_

 _I turn around and find myself in the middle of the Lair. I realize the angry voices came from my brothers' and father's voice. They glare at me and give me shocked looks. I look down at my hand and find the gun still in my hand. I want to drop it. I want to throw it across the room, but I can't. My hand won't let it go!_

" _You have just taken a life! You are no son of mine!" Master Splinter yells._

" _Dude, you're a monster!" Mikey screams at me._

" _You didn't even think of giving him a warning? Shooting him in the arm or leg wasn't an option?" Donnie asks me, his voice yelling at me just like the others'._

" _What happened to the big, strong, Fearless Leader, huh? You just decide to kill people off now?" Raph yells._

 _All at once, they push me out of the Lair. I fall on my hands and knees. When I look up, I see I'm up on the surface, under the moonlight. I get up and see a figure walking towards me. Even though it's clearly a human, I don't run away. I watch as they get closer to me until I finally see their face under the light. I gasp at what I see._

 _It's the man I shot._

 _His face is white pale and there is a path of dried up blood that goes from his mouth to his chin. His blue eyes look unreal, as if they were made of glass. There is a huge red stain on his shirt that was still dripping blood, causing the stain to go and travel downward due to gravity. His eyes are questioning and in shock._

" _Why?" he whispers._

 _I want to tell him because he threatened my brother. I want to tell him because he was in a gang and hurting people. There is so much I want to tell him, but my mouth won't move. Part of me even wants to run away from this horrible person that should be on the ground dead, but my body stands still._

" _WHY?!" he screams._

 _He shoves me and I fall to the ground once again. I shake my head and look up. My eyes widen when I see the Shredder standing above me. Even though his mask is on, I still know he has an evil grin on his face, his eyes showing evil. He waves his hand and tilts his head to his tower, gesturing me to come with him. Again, my body won't move at all, so I'm stuck on the ground, staring up at him._

" _Come, Leonardo. Let us take you home, where you belong."_

I gasp and push my body to the headboard of my bed until I can't go back any further. I continue to take deep breaths as I look at my surroundings, noticing they are slightly different. I see the Space Hero poster, my Katanas, and more. I realize I'm still in my room. I must have fallen asleep a while ago; I don't even remember closing my eyes. I pull my legs to my chest and hug them close, looking back at the dream I just had.

Is that what my family will think of me now? A monster? Will they kick me out the next chance they get? Am I as bad as Shredder? I shutter at the thought. He kills to get what he wants and for fun; I killed tonight to protect my family. There is a difference, right? I shake my head. I don't want to think about it.

My stomach growls and I realize I haven't eaten anything since before the patrol last night. Truthfully, the thought of food sounds terrible, but I know that I need to eat sooner or later. I sit quietly for a few minutes to see if anyone is still up. I can hear something bang in Donnie's lab and I figure that he must be in his lab working on a project. I hear the TV playing some sort of show. I hear people talking in the Dojo. I pause at that noise. I just realize then that I didn't tell Master Splinter what happened during the patrol. Usually, when something goes wrong during a patrol, I tell Master Splinter what happens. For example, when Raph got his mind switched with a Kraang, I told Sensei what happened to him (even though it was a little strange explaining it to him). Now, one of my brothers are probably doing the job for me. Great, another mistake I've made.

My growling stomach and I decide that it should be clear enough for us to get some food. Slowly and carefully getting up from my bed, I open my bedroom door. I look down the hallway before using my ninja skills and get to the kitchen. On the way, I see the top of Mikey's head from over the couch, watching TV. Luckily, he is too focused on it and not his surroundings. This will probably be the only time I am ever thankful for that. When I reach the kitchen, I silently open the fridge door and reach for an apple. I freeze when my eyes see it. Red. Just like blood. I practically drop the apple and shut the door. Luckily, I'm in my right mind enough to be somewhat quiet about it.

I look around the kitchen a little bit more until I decide to get some water and some crackers. Not the best supper or anything, but it's better than nothing. The thought of food still makes me feel ill, but my stomach is winning the battle. I pop a few in my mouth and drown the crumbs in my mouth with water before heading back into my room. I didn't make it there though.

"Next, police have found a body in an alley. They say it's result of a gun wound and some evidence states he was a member of a gang known as the 'Purple Dragons.'"

I freeze. I take a shaky breath before turning my head slowly to the glowing screen. I wonder why Mikey hasn't changed the channel, but maybe he wants to know more, or he is as freaked as I am.

"After a few reports of hearing a gunshot a few hours ago, police raced to the location to find this gruesome scene."

The reporter disappeared to reveal a photo of blood. Luckily, they removed the body so the picture wasn't too bad, but it caused my breathing to increase. I did that. I did that. I killed that guy.

"People have already confirmed that the man is-"

I take off before she finishes, throwing stealth out of the window. I probably would have dropped my water and crackers to the floor if I didn't have them both in a death grip. I can hear my heartbeat as if my heart was in my head, pounding in my ears. The way to my room almost seems to be a never ending tunnel. It feels like I have been running for minutes, when in reality it has probably been mere seconds. Relief washes over me when I finally reach my door. I get ready to push my door open. I get ready to finally be alone, away from everyone who is mad or scared of me.

"Leo!"

I don't know why I turn my head, but I do. I see Raph just outside of the Dojo doors. I don't know how long he was there, but I know he has seen enough. I look into his eyes, his concern, scared, and questioning eyes. I'm tired of seeing that. Is that what everything is going to be now? My family trying to figure out everything that is going on inside my head? I don't think I can take it.

Just as I'm about to turn away, I freeze in my spot. Right behind Raph is the guy. He has his arm crossed, looking at me with his crystal like eyes. My breath quickens a bit more as he stares back at me. I can't tell what his expression is, but I know I don't like it. I finally can't take it anymore and I push open my door. As soon as I get inside, I push my back to the door with a loud bang.

For a few minutes I just stand there, looking at the other side of my room, just breathing. Finally, I push off of my door to put down my crackers on my desk. I take a big gulp of water before sitting on my bed. I put my head in my hands. I feel like I'm going crazy. I see that man everywhere, but I know I killed him. I killed him with a gun in a street.

My head shoots up when I hear a loud knock on my door. I realize my breathing quickens again and I do my best to take deep steady breaths. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to think about what happens when he comes in. I don't want my family to come in and force me out. I don't want to kill anymore people and become just as bad as the Shredder.

"Leo, let me in," I hear Raph say.

I don't move. Truthfully, I know he's just going to come in any second. I would get up and try to lock the door, but I know he will hear the movement and force open the door. Instead of trying to find a way out, I try to think of a way to get Raph out of my room. Maybe I can tell him tons of bugs have infested my room…

"Leo, if you don't open this door, I'm just going to come in," he warns.

I can't take it anymore. I get up and get ready to lock the door. As soon as my feet touch the ground and my body leaves the bed, I hear the door knob turn. I'm about to go and reach for it but Raph has already opened the door. He looks at me and I watch the gears turn in his head. As soon as he realizes what I was going to do, his eyes narrow at me and he tells he in almost a growl to "sit down, now."

I do my best to try not to moan and I turn around to sit on my bed. I put my hands between my legs and have my head tilted downward a bit, looking at the ground. I wait for him to start talking my ears off, how I'm being an idiot or something. I tense up a bit as he sits besides me, causing the bed to move slightly. I feel his eyes on me, but I don't look his way.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I glance at him though the corner of my eye. He is still looking at me, every now and then looking around my room. His eyes lock at my swords in the corner of the room, but he doesn't ask anything, which I'm very thankful for. I don't want to explain how the blood and the thought of them slicing through flesh is really creeping me out right now. His eyes travel to the crackers and water on my desk.

"That's your supper?" he asks.

I'm a little surprised that's the first thing he says after the silence, but I answer anyway. "Yeah. I'm not really hungry."

He nods and doesn't say anything more. Again, silence surrounds us. Honestly, it's driving me crazy. I know he wants to talk (why else would he come in here?) but he won't say anything. Maybe he's not sure how to? I decide to give him a small push.

"Look, I know you want to tell me how big of an idiot I am, so you might as well get it done and over with."

He doesn't even look at me, completely unfazed. "If you already know you are an idiot, then it's a waste of time to tell you."

"Then why are you here? To tell me I'm no longer 'Splinter Junior' because I broke one of Sensei's most valuable lessons? To say that the great 'Fearless Leader' has finally crumpled? Go ahead, Raph. I'm all ears."

I'm surprised at how much anger is in my voice as I speak. Raph doesn't seem surprised, though. He just watches me, unaffected by my voice. This makes me both angry and proud. He doesn't seem to care what I'm saying. Is he just annoying me? Waiting for the right moment to attack? Yet, I'm proud he is not allowing his anger to take over. A part of me, I guess, can tell he is struggling between lashing out and trying to keep his composure. He doesn't say anything again and I'm just about to give up. Is he searching for his words, or is he just playing with me? I really wish he would tell me something! Give me anything!

After a few more minutes of added silence, I realize that this was his plan all along. He was playing the Splinter card. Allowing me to vent a bit, uninterrupted, and waiting for me to tell him what has been eating at me. I must admit, it's working. The anger is slowly starting to disappear and I find myself looking at the swords. The blood on them; the deaths they could cause. I feel something in my hand and I look down, waiting to see a black gun. Instead, I find that my hand has grabbed a fist full of blankets on my bed in a tight grip. I allow my hand to relax slightly before putting my head in my hands.

"I'm going crazy," I whisper to myself.

"Why you think you're going crazy?"

I almost forgot Raph was still here. How do I explain that? How do I explain I freak at the sight of blood. How do I explain that I can barely look at my most prized possessions, my swords? How do I explain I keep seeing the man I killed? How do I explain that whenever I close my eyes, I see the fight all over again? How do I explain that my nightmares are now filled with me being kicked out of the Lair and being just as bad as the Shredder?

"I killed someone," I end up saying.

"For a good reason," he says. "Leo, he threatened to hurt us, rob people, and a whole bunch more crimes. If you didn't kill him, who knows what he would have done."

"I could have done something else, Raph," I start, my eyes slowly tearing up as I imagine the life leaving those eyes again. "I could have shot him in the leg or the arm. I could have fired a warning shot. I could have done something, ANYTHING except taking his life. I didn't know him. I don't know his name. He could have been forced to do it. He could have a family, waiting forever for him to come home."

"If that creep killed me, you guys would be doing the same. You, Mikey, and Donnie would come home and would have to tell Splinter that I died. Heck, you would probably have to take my body so some freaky scientist wouldn't find me. Splinter would have lost another member, Mikey and Donnie would be broken, and you would be feeling guilty because you would wish you would or could have done something. Could you have done something else? Maybe; but you did what you had to do."

My eyes fill with tears as I imagined losing my brother. I didn't realize my arms are

shaking until Raph puts his hands over mine. I look up and see him look at me with kind eyes. I didn't mind those eyes watching me like the others. He puts his arm around my shoulder and I allowed my body to lean into him. Tears fall from my eyes but I didn't try to stop them, not this time.

"I'm scared," I whisper, surprising myself with how small my voice sounds. "I see the man everywhere I go. I'm afraid to look at blood. I'm afraid to fight and pick up my swords. I don't know if I'll ever be the same. What if I'm going crazy?"

"You're not going crazy, Fearless," he says. "Remember when we fought the Purple Dragons a while back, and we were making a big deal on how you were soft and showed mercy?" **(A/N: Episode 8: Never Say Xever 2012 Universe)**

I chuckle a bit and nod at the memory. At first, I did feel like a big baby; but, at the end of the day, I felt better. I think it's harder to be nice and show mercy, than it is to hurt and hate people.

"The reason you are seeing, thinking, and feeling all these things is because you have a good heart, Leo. That helps you be a good leader and person and brother. Your mind is just having a hard time processing all of this. You did what you had to do to save me," he says, looking away.

I look at him for a minute, my mind connecting something. "Raph, do you blame yourself for killing that guy?"

His eyes refuse to meet mine and he doesn't say anything. My eyes widen a bit at his silent answer. In a different situation, or at a later time, it's kind of funny he is pulling a page from my book. I try to think of something to say, but he beats me to it.

"If I didn't goof around and just took down the guy, he would have never gotten close to me and you would have never had to make that choice," he mutters.

I put a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't lift his head to look at me; I put my other hand under his chin to look at me, our eyes meeting each other.

"You like to fight and release your anger. Could you have simply taken him down? Sure; but, this is who you are. You like to fight and be sarcastic and make fun of the enemy as you take them down. Sometimes you get carried away, but never change who you are, brother. And don't blame yourself, because it was my choice, not yours. Okay?"

He pulls me into a hug before I realize what he's doing. He puts his head on my shoulder and holds me tight. After realizing what he was doing, I put my head on his shoulder and rub his shell.

"You are terrible at comforting speeches."

I chuckle at his statement. I'm not offended, or at least not right now. I can tell he's trying to lighten the mood and doesn't like showing emotion. I have gotten used to it after living with him for half of my life.

"I won't change if you don't, bro," he says.

His statement makes me freeze.

" _You have just taken a life! You are no son of mine!"_

" _Dude, you're a monster!"_

" _You didn't even think of giving him a warning? Shooting him in the arm or leg wasn't an option?"_

" _What happened to the big, strong, Fearless Leader, huh? You just decide to kill people off now?"_

"You...you don't think I'm a monster for killing him?" I ask in a quiet voice. I'm afraid to hear his answer, even though I'm sure his answer is "no." However, what if he just now made the connection? What if he just realizes I killed someone and truly am a monster? What if he convinces everyone else that I am? My heart slowly starts to race as more thoughts fill my head.

His grips tightens around me. "You're not a monster; no one thinks you're a monster. You're a protective, strong, and awesome brother. And you are NOT going crazy. Okay?"

I don't know why, but I look up towards the door. I see the guy I killed standing there by the doorway. His eyes are watching me closely, cold and lifeless, while dried blood stains his chin and half of his clothes. I don't turn away, though. I don't freak out and run. I feel safe. I killed that guy because he threatened my family and I was doing what is right. My family isn't afraid of me nor thinks I am a monster. They care for me and will be there for me just like I'm there for them.

"Okay," I whisper, finally taking my eyes off the man I have killed to bury my face into my brother's shoulder, tears of relief start to fill my eyes.

We stay like this for what feels like hours. I'm pretty sure Raph starts to get uncomfortable being in the longest hug, but I don't care. However, I do let him go finally after making sure my tears were gone. He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look up at him, our eyes meeting.

"Come on. Let's get you to Sensei. I think he can help you get your mind back in order and stuff. I'll clean your swords and put them away for you in a minute."

I smile at him. "Thanks."

He keeps a hand on my shoulder as he leads me to the Dojo.

I'm just really glad I have people that will help me through my first kill. The road may be a little bumpy, and I will probably never forget, but it will get better with the help of my family and friends.

 **A/N: Bro Love! I will probably put up an epilogue some time and that will be it for First Kill! Please tell me what you think!**


	3. Epilogue

**A/N: Sorry this took a while, but the last chapter of First Kill is here! THANK YOU EVERYONE who has reviewed, favorited, and followed this story! It made me sooo happy hearing from you guys and knowing you guys liked this story!**

 **Also, my mom is no longer reading my chapters and checking them because she got new jobs and can't find time. So if there are any mistakes, I want to apologize now. NOW, here is the last chapter and what you have all been waiting for.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own any TMNT characters, but I do own Gunner Faye and his family. (Anyone else think that sounds evil…?) You will figure out who he is in a moment.**

(Months later)

Raph stomps down the hallway to his room as soon as we walk through the entrance to the Lair. The sound of the door slamming echos through our home, causing me and my two brothers to jump slightly. I didn't try stopping Raph from going into his room. He needs time alone; however, he doesn't need to be alone for long.

Master Splinter walks down the hallway, looking at Raph curiously as they walk past each other. "My sons," he starts, "what has happened during your patrol?"

"Umm, I think I should explain in private," I say, trying to send a private message to Sensei.

His eyes widen ever so slightly and he gives me a nod. "Come with me to the Dojo, Leonardo."

I nod as my father walks to the Dojo, waiting for me to explain what happened tonight. I turn to look at Donnie and Mikey who are standing behind me. Donnie's hand is over Mikey's shoulder. Mikey is looking downward, his eyes filled with unshed tears. I give a nod and a smile, giving Donnie permission to talk to Mikey alone. He gives a small smile before putting a hand over his shoulder and carefully leading him to his lab. More than anything, I want to comfort my little bro; however, I have to explain to Sensei what just happened. After that, I have to comfort my younger brother, Raph.

After I make it to the Dojo, I quietly shut the door behind me. I turn around and sit down in front of Master Splinter. For a few moments, we sit in silence. My mind goes back to when Raph dragged me in here all those years ago after I killed for the first time. I remember Master Splinter holding me tight. He probably helped me the most in my family. He told me he understood what I was going through. Apparently he first killed someone to protect a woman and her child in Japan. My father didn't know them, but he protected them anyway. That day scarred my father, but he was able to get through it. Surprisingly, along with his parents, Oroku Saki (the Shredder) also helped him through it when they were friends.

Just a few weeks ago, I finally learn the name of the man I killed with the help of Donnie. Apparently, his name was Gunner Faye and he was a couple years older than me. He had a mom and a dad, but he had no parents. Donnie also learn he had a criminal record and his parents had to kick him out of the house due to his violent behavior. He didn't do anything to go to jail, but if I didn't kill him, I'm sure he would have ended up there. A few nights after that, I went to Gunner's parents' house. I sat on the fire escape connected to their window on the second story. They were going to move soon, but I wanted to silently apologize to them. Even though their son was basically evil, he was still their son all the same.

I looked into the window that night to see Gunner's parents in bed. _I'm sorry,_ I thought to them, wishing there was something I could do for them. I can't help but wonder, even to this day, how they took the news. Were they heart broken? Were they expecting something like this to happen? Were they just sad or did they break down? Do they blame themselves? Too bad I can't go in there and ask them. I was just about to turn away when I realize Gunner's father was half way sitting up, looking at me straight in the eyes.

I remember thinking that Gunner's father's eyes look just like Gunner's. I had a small flashback that night before blinking it away, not wanting to think of it right now. I stayed frozen in that spot when I realize his eyes were looking in mine. I was scared. The father of the man I killed was looking at me; not only that, but he's a human. I know I should have just ran, but my body wouldn't follow my command. Then, after a few minutes, Gunner's father looks down at his wife, pushing away some of her hair from her face as she slept. He then look up at me, and gave me a small nod.

I like to think he somehow silently knew what happened that night or what I felt/went through. I gave a nod back to him in reply and took off. Gunner's family moved shortly after that and I never saw them again. I haven't told my family I went to see Gunner's parents to silently apologize; I'm sure if they knew, they would chew me out on how stupid I was and how I could have been caught and captured. However, when I did come back that night, I found Master Splinter sitting in the living room, giving me a small, proud smile before going to bed. Part of me thinks he knew what I did.

"My son," Master Splinter says, bringing me out of my memories. "Will you please explain to me what happened to your brothers tonight?"

I nod, clearing my throat slightly. "Master Splinter, Raph killed someone tonight."

Sensei let out a small, sad sigh before putting a hand on his face. He probably now understood and was feeling sorry that Raph has to go through the same thing I did. He looks back up at me after a few minutes and gives me a small nod, silently telling me to continue.

"We had a run in with the Foot tonight. At first, it was just a small group; however, we think one of them called for backup and more came. A lot more. While we were fighting, two Foot soldiers were able to pin Mikey down. A third one came over to give the final strike. Raph saw this and through one of his Sais at him, causing it to stick in the soldier's head. I don't think he realized what he did until some of the Foot started to retreat. After that, he kind of just stood there in shock. Me and Donnie had to fight off the remainder of the Foot, but it was much easier. Mikey helped a bit, too, but he was also trying to bring Raph back to Earth. After the Foot left and Raph snapped out of it, he took off home. We chased after him. Donnie took Mikey to his lab to talk to him. Mikey experienced the kill up close and he blames himself for Raph's behavior and thinks he made Raph kill someone."

After I retell the story, I pull out Raph's Sai. "He left it in the head of the Foot soldier," I explain, holding it out to Sensei. "I had to," I swallow and clear my throat," I had to pull it out of his head."

The sight of blood creeps me out to this day. I don't get all scared at the sight of it or anything, it just makes me really uncomfortable since the day I killed Gunner. I was able to handle carrying my swords again a couple days after the kill, but the sight of blood still gives me the slight urge to throw up.

Sensei notice my discomfort and quickly, but carefully, takes the Sai away from me, looking down at it. He lets out another sigh. "I see."

I look down at his hands. "Sensei, can I go talk to Raph? I don't think he should be alone for long right now."

He looks up at me and watches me a moment, almost like he is trying to study me. After a few moments, he gives me a small smile. "Of course, Leonardo."

I give a respectful bow before getting up and heading to the door.

"After you speak to your brother," Master Splinter tells me, before I can even open the door, "I will like to speak to him."

I turn around to look at him when I say "Hai, Sensei." I, then, open the door and head to Raph's room. I don't know what I'm going to say to Raph and I try to think of the talk he gave me all those months ago. However, Raph is different than me. I truthfully don't know how he is taking all of this right now. As I walk to Raph's room, I see Donnie with a cup of water, heading to his own bedroom.

"How's Mikey?" I ask.

He looks up at me after taking a huge gulp of water. "He's doing okay. Feel asleep a little bit ago. I told him to talk to Raph tomorrow or the day after. I think they are the only two that can really fix the situation."

I nod in understanding and look up towards Mikey's room. Ever since Mikey talked to me after that night, we have been closer. A small smile crosses my face at the memory.

 _I sit at the kitchen table, drinking some tea to keep me calmed down. I end up not sleeping the entire night, but I feel a lot better than I did earlier. After talking to both Master Splinter and Raph, I started gaining a bit of confidence. Of course, I still feel bad for doing it and putting my brothers through it._

 _I hear someone stumble in the kitchen and I see Mikey walking into the kitchen, sleep still in his eyes. I look at the clock, not believing he was up this early. It wasn't even six in the morning and Mikey usually gets up at like seven-thirty to eight o'clock in the morning. I watch him closely as he looks in the kitchen for food. He pulls out the carton of eggs and starts to turn on the stove. Realizing he wasn't going to tell me why he was up so early, I decide to ask myself._

" _You're up early, aren't you?"_

 _He looks at me and smiles a bit. "Yeah, I couldn't really sleep."_

 _I feel a small knife of guilt slice my heart. It was probably my fault. He probably had nightmares of last night of what happened during patrol. My head lowers as I look at my tea instead of my little brother._

" _Sorry," I say, quietly._

" _Don't be," he says, turning around to give me a small smile. "Now I don't have to make breakfast for everyone. Besides, we can just talk until the others get up. We don't usually get to do that."_

" _Yeah," I say, as awkward silence starts to settle between us. I like spending time with my brother, but sometimes we have a hard time figuring out what to talk about. As I continue looking at my tea, I try to think of questions I can ask him to start a conversation._

" _So, you doing okay?" he asks._

 _I shrug a bit. "Yeah. I talked to Raph and Master Splinter which helped."_

" _Good."_

 _More silence fills the kitchen. I watch Mikey put his eyes on a plate out of the corner of my eye. He got a glass of milk before sitting his breakfast on the table. After that, he puts his stuff away and cleans up his mess. Finally, he sits down and starts to eat his breakfast._

 _It wasn't until he halfway shoved his eggs down his throat till he asks me, "Do you want anything?"_

 _I shake my head, lifting my cup up to take another drink. "No, I'm good. Thanks, though."_

 _He nods, putting another fork full of egg into his mouth. We end up just sitting in silence a bit more, enjoying each other's company and our breakfasts. Every now and then, our eyes would meet and we would smile at each other, but besides that, we did our own thing. After Mikey eats his eggs, he gets up and grabs a slice of pizza from the fridge, putting it on a plate and then in the microwave. I raise my eyebrow at him with a smirk when he turns around, waiting for the machine to make a beeping sound._

" _What?" he asks, defensively. "I'm a growing teen! It's not my fault my stomach is begging for more food."_

 _I shake my head, smiling, and return to my drink._

" _Do you regret killing that guy?" he asks suddenly._

 _I choke on my drink a bit at his question. I cough a bit as I try to keep my tea in my mouth and not all over the table. I put my cup back on the table, clearing my throat and trying to keep myself look calm. Inside, I was slightly panicking at the topic, but Mikey didn't need to know that._

" _W-What?" I stutter and ask, even though I knew what he already said._

 _He doesn't turn around, but I can see his face through the reflection of the microwave mirror. His eyes are looking down, not even paying attention to his pizza. He looks sad and something else I couldn't place. He lets out a small sigh before repeating his question._

 _I clear my throat again and start to twirl my cup a bit. "If I could go back in time, right back to that moment," I start, pausing a bit, thinking about my answer. I knew exactly how I felt, but I have to put it in words that don't start making me break down again or anything like that. "No," I finally say. "If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything. Even though I never wanted to take a life, I think losing a brother would be ten times worse." I look up at him to realize he has turned around and was now looking at me. I force my eyes to look into his. "You three are some of the best, kindest, and most awesome people I know. This man was a criminal and was probably a bad person. Besides, I don't know if I lost one of you."_

 _After my explanation, silence fills the kitchen again. I know Mikey is taking in everything I just said, but I wish he would hurry it up. Was my explanation not good enough for him? Does he think of me differently now?_

" _Okay," Mikey says after a minute. He sits in the chair besides me and look at me with a small smile, his pizza forgotten. Funny, Mikey forgetting about food. I have officially seen it all. "You know, I think you sent the Purple Dragons a message."_

" _What you mean?"_

" _You just showed them you are willing to do anything to protect your family," he explains, his smiling growing a little. "Many people say they would do anything for their family, but you actually did. You did something you didn't want to do with a weapon you despised. I say that took a lot of guts big bro."_

 _I smile back at him. Truthfully, I haven't really seen it that way. His explanation lifted up my spirits. "I guess you're right. Thanks, Mikey."_

 _His smile grows and he holds out his arms, signaling for a hug. I chuckle a bit before leaning into his hug, hugging him tightly back. I put my head on his shoulder and smile while letting out a small sigh as I felt my brother rub his hand comfortably on the back of my shell. After a few moments past and we are still in our brotherly hug, a smirk crosses my face._

" _Hey, is your pizza still in the microwave?"_

 _Mikey gasps. "Oh, shoot!"_

 _He runs and opens the microwave door, just as the pizza explodes in his face due to it being in there for so long. I start laughing; however, I start laughing harder when Mikey starts to run around the kitchen, trying to fan his face with his hands._

" _IT"S HOT! IT'S HOT!" he screams throughout the house, running around as if that was going to help. In his process of running and screaming they woke the rest of the family. They woke to Mikey running and yelling with pizza on his face and me on the ground, holding my sides and trying to breath through my laughter._

"You going to talk to Raph?"

Donnie's question brings me out of the memory. I look at him to see him looking at Raph's bedroom door with concern. My eyes follow his gaze, almost as if I could make Raph feel better just by looking at his door. Of course, I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah," I say, answering Don's question. "Going to talk to him now."

"Good," he says. "I think he needs someone to talk to."

I nod. I look at Donnie and give him a small smile. "Go to bed, Don. We will probably not have training in the morning, but you still need your rest."

He smiles back, lifting his glass of water in agreement. "You don't have to tell me twice. Good night, Leo."

"Good night, Donnie," I say, watching him go to his own room and close his door.

I let out a sigh as soon his door shuts behind my genius brother. Like the rest of my family, he has been there for me through this rough time; however, he helped me a different way. He didn't bother me about what I did and he didn't ask me questions about it; but, Donnie was there to catch me if I fell or if I needed help. An example is when I finally got the courage to find out the name of the person I killed.

" _Hey, Don?"_

 _Donnie looks up from his desk, obviously not noticing me standing in the doorway. He gives me a small smile and I take that as my permission to come in. His lab didn't look to bad, but it is definitely cluttered. However, even though it wasn't spotless, it was totally better than Mikey's room._

" _Hey, what's up?" he asks._

" _Umm," I start, rubbing my hands together and looking at them. Truthfully I didn't know if I really want to do this. Once you find out something, sometimes you can't just simply forget it. But no, I have to do this. Deep down, I know this will help me. I take a deep breath, trying to gain some confidence. "Can you help me find out who I killed?"_

 _Donnie's eyes widen and his mouth opens a bit, obviously not expecting that answer. It has been almost two weeks since that night and he probably started thinking it was almost in the past. I don't allow my gaze to falter from his eyes as I wait for him to get back together. Luckily, I don't have too wait long._

 _He blinks. "You sure you want to know?"_

 _I nod, not giving myself a chance to back down._

 _He gives a small nod before pushing his chair over to his computer, gesturing for me to follow. I walk over to his desk, trying not to touch or move anything. I pull up a chair and scoot it right by Donnie before sitting down in it._

 _He clicks a few things on the screen before saying, "I've actually done the research and figured it out."_

 _It was my turn to be surprised and I blink. "Really? When?"_

 _He gives me a slightly embarrassed smile. "A few nights after it happened. I got curious and did a little bit of work. It was easier than I thought. I didn't know if you were ready to learn his name so I just waited until you were ready."_

 _I give him a small nod. "Thanks," I say quietly._

 _He gives me a smile before putting his mouse over a file, but he didn't click it. He moves the mouse so it's in front of me. "That's everything I could find."_

 _I swallow as my hand moves to rest on the mouse. My other hand at my side turns into a fist as my mind began to process what I was doing. You wouldn't expect something like this to be too hard; yet, I can't simply click the file. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Donnie giving me an encouraging smile, as if trying to give me some strength. He gives me a small nod before I turn back to the screen._

 _I take a breath, and press the button, opening the file._

 _Gunner Faye. His name is the first thing I see._

 _As my eyes scan every link, every image, every piece of information Donnie found, I feel his hand still on my shoulder, rubbing it in a comforting manner. I swallow hard halfway through it and my eyes water towards the end. I was reading this guy's life. A life I destroyed. It may have been for the best, but I destroyed it nonetheless. Maybe I could have shot him in the leg or arm._

 _I look down and put my hands in my lap, showing my brother I was done reading the information. I feel my brother wrap his arms around me and I don't hesitate to return the favor. He holds me close as I lightly sob over his shoulder. After a few minutes, I get myself under control and we pull away from each other._

 _I glance up at Donnie before looking down at my hands, embarrassed I slightly broke down in front of him. "Thanks, Donnie."_

 _He smiles. "Your welcome, my brother."_

I shake the memory from my mind. Even though that memory fills up my heart everytime I think about it, I had something more important to tend to. Well, SOMEONE to tend to. I turn towards my brother's door. I have no idea what I'm going to tell my brother when I get into his room. I'm hoping the right words will just come to mind. A part of my mind wonders if that's what happened to Raph when he talked to me. Did he think about what he was going to say, or did he just go in there like I am? Probably the latter because of the silence that filled the room when he entered that night.

I swallow and look at the door that was inches from my face. I take a breath. _You got this, Leo,_ I think to myself. _Your his older brother. Your his leader. You've killed someone before, too._

I knock on the door. There's no answer. I knock one more time before slowly opening the door. I knew that if he didn't want me to come in, he would stop me. He didn't stop me, though. I am able to open the door all the way. As soon as I enter the room, I close the door behind me, allowing us to speak in private. I see my brother, Raphael, sitting his bed, his shell against the wall. Some of his belonging that was on his desk and dresser were now on the floor, along with his pillows. My guess is he had a small breakdown and threw them all to the floor, not caring if he broke anything. He doesn't lift his head when I enter the room.

As I walk towards him, and notice his other Sai on the ground, on top of a pillow. I smirk. Even when he was emotionally unstable, he still took care of one of his weapons. I sit besides him, my own shell leaning against the wall. For a few minutes, we simply sit and look at the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"Did you get my Sai from that guy?" he asks after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," I answer quietly, not really wanting to remember the sound of a Sai scraping against the human skull. How Raph was even able to put that much strength into such a small weapon, I don't know if I'll ever know.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

It isn't half a minute after that when Raph groans and scoots up to the edge of the bed before putting his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. "Is this how you felt? When you killed Gunner?"

I can tell it's a question he is not expecting me to answer, so I don't. I stay quiet and allow him to continue; however, I do scoot up and sit right next to him, ready to listen.

He looks up at me. "How could you stand it, Leo? How could you stand killing a human being? Foot soldier or not, I killed a living, breathing person. How could you get through it?"

I open my arms, wanting to hug my brother but not push him if he doesn't want to. He needs the comfort, though, and he practically falls into my arms, crying on my plastron. I hold him tight, not wanting to let him go. My younger brother has just went through something I pray none of my brothers have to go through. He needs me, and I will be here for him.

I realize he wants me to answer. "Because it was the right thing. When I killed Gunner, you told me I killed him for a good reason. I had to chose between the life of a criminal, a terrible person, and you. My kind, hot-headed, and strong brother. You had to make the same the same decision. Someone who worked for the Shredder or your youngest, cheerful brother. And, I think you killed for a good reason."

He doesn't say anything and I think he knew I was right. We sit in that hug, listening to Raph's sobs. I remember when I was younger and my brothers would cry on me, I would get kind of grossed out about getting all the tears and snot on me. I didn't really like it, but I didn't say anything and continued being there for my brothers. Right now, I didn't care about it at ALL. I was here for my brother; and, I think I'm helping.

Even when Raph calms down and we separate from the hug, I keep my arm over his shoulder. My brother's eyes still look sad and he has a thoughtful look. I smile a bit as I though of a way to lighten up the mood.

"Who is terrible at comforting speeches, now?"

He laughs a bit and elbows me, causing my arm to fall from his shoulders in the process. I don't care though. I think Raph will be okay. We sit in silence again; but, it's not a sad as before. The silence seems a bit lighter and happier.

I finally convince Raph to go talk to Master Splinter. He tells me he's tired and wants to eat, but I simply tell him talking to our father would make him feel better. He believes me and goes to the Dojo, grabbing a green apple in the process. I decide to call it a night and head to my own room to get a good night's rest. Something stop me at my door.

"So, is this a new thing for your family, now? Killing people? I guess being a murderer runs in the family."

I let out an annoyed sigh before turning to see Gunner Faye, his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his bloody face. No matter what I have tried, he never goes away. He continues to yell at me, make me doubt myself, or even drag myself back down into depression.

I think about my answer, my face hard as I stare into his clear, lifeless eyes. "No, were a family. We protect each other, no matter what."

I turn back to my door, smiling at my answer and how awesome it sounded. I open my door and step inside. I look back at Gunner Faye before closing my door. My smile only grows when I see he has disappeared. Whether it is forever or just until tomorrow, I don't care. I know I'll enjoy the peace and quiet.

I close my door and head straight to my bed, almost forgetting to take off my gear from our patrol earlier. After I slowly get out of my gear, I take off my mask and lay on my bed, not even bothering with the blankets. I put my hands behind my head, smiling as I thought about what I told Gunner. Even though he is not real and only in my head, those words were true. My family and I have always been there for each other. We have always picked each other up when we were down. We aren't murderers; we are a family.

 **A/N: Sorry I didn't go into a lot of detail with Leo helping Raph through his first kill, but I wasn't sure how to really do it... But, how's that for an ending? (Hope it wasn't too confusing with all the flashbacks and memories..?) Thank you again for everything you guys have done and thank you for reviewing/favoriting/following! Also, I am working on my new story. It's a human AU with a lot of feel and friendship/family. Don't know when I'll get it up, but be prepared for later feels in later stories ;). Thanks again! Now, I'm going to go celebrate me finishing my first fan-fiction! *dances away***


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